When my child was diagnosed with a complex medical condition, our world was turned upside down. Amid the flood of emotions and overwhelming information, I found myself grappling with a common yet challenging phrase: “God only gives you what you can handle.” While often said with good intentions, these words can have a profound impact on parents navigating their child’s diagnosis. Here’s my journey of understanding and dealing with this well-meaning but sometimes burdensome sentiment.

The Initial Shock: Receiving the Diagnosis

The day we received our child’s diagnosis was one of the most difficult days of our lives. The myriad of emotions—fear, sadness, confusion, and uncertainty—was almost too much to bear. Friends and family rushed to offer support, but amidst the outpouring of sympathy and advice, the phrase “God only gives you what you can handle” stood out. Initially, it felt like a compliment to our strength, but as the days passed, it began to weigh heavily on me.

Understanding the Intention: A Message of Strength and Faith

When people say “God only gives you what you can handle,” they often mean to offer comfort and reassurance. It’s a way to express their belief in your strength and resilience. They see the challenges you’re facing and want to remind you of your capability to overcome them. For many, it’s also a statement of faith, suggesting that there is a divine plan and purpose behind the struggles.

The Burden of Expectation: Feeling the Pressure

Despite the good intentions, this phrase can sometimes add an unexpected burden. It implies that because I’m facing these challenges, I must be strong enough to handle them. On days when I felt anything but strong, this sentiment felt more like a pressure to live up to an ideal of unwavering resilience. It made me question whether it was okay to feel overwhelmed, scared, or sad. The reality is, no parent feels strong all the time, and it’s important to acknowledge and accept those moments of vulnerability.

Embracing Vulnerability: Allowing Myself to Feel

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Strength isn’t about never breaking down; it’s about finding the courage to continue despite the fear and uncertainty. Accepting that I don’t always have to be strong has been crucial for my mental and emotional health. It’s okay to ask for help, to cry, and to admit when things are tough. Embracing these moments doesn’t make me weak; it makes me human.

Finding Real Support: What Truly Helps

The support that truly helps comes in various forms. Practical assistance, like helping with household chores, providing meals, or offering to babysit, can be invaluable. Emotional support, such as listening without judgment, offering a shoulder to cry on, or simply being present, makes a significant difference. Instead of relying on platitudes, offering tangible help and genuine empathy is far more impactful.

Reframing the Phrase: Personal Growth and Empowerment

Over time, I’ve learned to reframe the phrase “God only gives you what you can handle” in a way that empowers me. Rather than seeing it as a divine test of my strength, I choose to interpret it as a reminder of my resilience and the incredible support network I have. It’s a nudge to recognize the inner strength I might not always see in myself and to appreciate the collective strength of my family and friends.